Samantha Albala

 

4:35 gauge body heat 4:38 pry comforted limbs from cloud-like blankets. pretend the sleep is not stuck to eyelids like gum embedded in the crevices of shoe soul 5:15 arrive at glowing building to test strength and energy limits 6:45 leave glowing building. shower. dress. cook the largest and most extravagant breakfast. 2 poached eggs. 1 oatmeal packet. fist full of blueberries. two strips of uncured turkey bacon. protein shake. 8:19 arrive at work early and start anyway. hunched. walk up stairs for a tea cure. sit back at desk 8:30 all coworkers are late. 10:20 leave desk to heat up sliced apple and cinnamon. eat like it is magic to be eating. 11:00 remind higher up of edit meeting. nod. repeat back that edit meeting will be postponed. 11:25 eyes waste time gleaming over an email from a marketing representative 12:20 eat a small tupperware of chickpeas and become a giddy child over perfect creamy round morsels 2:20 make body eat 5 ounces of baked turkey breast. hate this part. isn’t the taste. it’s the volume. 3 go on walk with baby carrots. 5 pry body from desk 5:30 make a list in your head of foods you can ea.t 7:30 have you eaten enough today?

166 grams of protein, 173 grams of carbohydrates, 50 grams of fat.

haven’t spoken in 3 days
sorry but—
don’t want excuses, haven’t spoken n 3 days, inch by inch pericardium tightens
warning

bruised. small circle on left deltoid. kissing scar constellation of purple and gray. left side. thigh. matching blisters at the base of the first proximal phalanges

tender pectorals | missing inner thighs don’t recognize body in reflection no hair |nape of neck sensitivity | barely safe

gut in another city

dug out my roots at 17 then dug again
once started growing

crooked tattoo near iliac crest
etched at 16 on St. Marks
by Eddie Hats

body wants home
home not here
home 1300 miles away

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